This morning as my wife and I finished our devotion we moved into prayer for friends and family who are going through serious challenges. In particular we prayed for couples who are striving to reconcile their marriages after betrayal and hurt.
A picture that came to mind as we were praying is that of a deep wound that must heal from the inside out. I spoke with a friend recently who has suffered a very serious injury losing the ends of three fingers. The doctors are leaving one of the wounds open so that it will heal properly – from the inside out. Coming back to the picture that came to mind as we were praying, I believe that this was a word the Lord gave of what has to happen in these couples we know although it is true of anyone who has suffered deep hurt. The emotional wound has to have time to heal. Words and superficial actions will not bring the healing that we truly need to be made whole.
In a marriage a demonstrated commitment is essential for this healing. Practical steps in this are striving to know and understand our spouse better and better, seeking to understand and speak our spouse’s love language, putting our spouse and their needs before our own, and walking in the character trifecta of openness, honesty, and integrity. These same truths apply to other relationships as well, but marriage is indeed a common relationship crucible for many of us. Sadly, for many marriages the refining fire beneath the crucible doesn’t have to get too hot before the majority of what we have built our life upon becomes ash. Yet through this God is able to build something truly valuable with the little that is left and adding His all-sufficiency.
You see I know this from personal experience. My wife and I celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. As I look back I can honestly say that over those 30 years we have had 29+ years of very good to amazingly great love and life together. But there have been times… A little over three years ago our relationship had become quite strained. My job had me on the road 70% of the time. Lisa was focusing more and more on her career and when I came home looking to be pampered a little bit (okay maybe I was looking for a lot of pampering) Lisa was about used up from all the extra she was having to do. Our communication suffered and frankly the love was a rather dim ember at that time. Even the close friendship that we have always shared was being severely tested. At Christmas we had booked a condo in Orlando assuming Sammy’s soccer team would be playing soccer between Christmas and New Years as they had done for four years previously. Surprise, they decided not to play in that tournament and yet I had the condo rented. The short story is it was not the relaxing time to refresh and rejuvenate that I had hoped for. In fact we now refer to it as the “vacation from hell.” That is not a direct reflection on Orlando necessarily, but more on our heart condition at the time.
Driving back from that vacation I was secretly looking forward to work and being be back out on the road. I had scheduled to be gone for the first seven weeks of 2012. Six days later we were racing to the emergency room with Lisa’s left leg just above the ankle sitting at a grotesque angle. It was a compound, open fracture of both bones a little above the ankle. A week in the hospital, three surgeries, 12 weeks with no weight on the ankle and multiple PT sessions later Lisa is able to walk and generally has regained most of her mobility. In a previous post I have written about our walk through this time. It’s a particularly moving read called “Broken Legs, Mended Hearts.”
I allude to this story today because one of the residuals from this is a serious scar around Lisa’s leg where the tissue was so seriously damaged. Two things the doctor later told us that we look to as a testament of God’s grace. First when he first saw Lisa’s leg he estimated he had a 50/50 chance of saving it. Yet her healing progressed very well. In fact he seemed very pleased and even a little surprised at how well she recovered. Second at her one year check up he fully released her telling her to listen to her leg and let pain and discomfort tell her how much to do. (Oh he did forbid her from swinging on rope swings too.) But he also said, that a break as bad as hers 50 years earlier often proved fatal. The bones were shattered into so many small pieces and the wound was a terrible thing.
As we finished our prayer time and I shared the picture that I had used in praying for our friends, Lisa thought of her leg and pointed to her scar. And she said that deep wounds can leave bad scars. She was mostly right, but I don’t see her scar as bad. To some it may not be pretty, but to me it reminds me of Gods abundant grace. Lisa lived. Lisa kept her leg and she has most of her mobility. Our marriage was healed because when Lisa broke her leg, God broke my heart. Our oldest daughter who had been estranged from us for a time not only came rushing back to be with her mama, she gave her life to the living God. She will live with God in His kingdom and the catalyst for her final step to this decision was Lisa’s broken leg.
One final thought. I went for a run after we finished our devotion. I love to run and I had stopped for a couple of months, so it was exhilarating to get back out there. But I don’t run for the sake of running. I run so I can talk with the Lord. He did not disappoint. I pick up small rocks as mementos of the places we’ve travelled. (Lisa is wrapping up a business meetings here in Myrtle Beach as I write this post.) You may agree with Lisa and think it’s a little weird, but I have found a few other persons who share this weirdness. Anyway I am on the return leg of this long run and I have picked up a couple good rock candidates for my collection when I feel the Lord speak to me to stop and look for a rock. Now I like fossil rocks or intricate design rocks or even pretty rocks – something that stands out. So as I stand by this puddle I am thinking, “Are you going to show me a gold nugget or something Lord?” And I started looking for something special. But the Lord said, “Look in the muck and mire. Look for the dirty and overlooked. Get the rock that looks the least appealing.” So I looked and sure enough there was a little, ugly black rock. I picked it up and as I evaluated it I decided it is a possibly a small piece of shell encased in a little bit of asphalt. I thought, “Wow, no gold nugget here.” To which the Holy Spirit immediately replied, “Everything can be redeemed!” My mind went to the description of the heavenly city described in Revelation of the streets of gold and I realized that streets of gold will have an underlayment that support them and keep them strong, flat, and beautiful. An underlayment that can include little pieces of shell encrusted in small chunks of asphalt.
Friend, I do not believe you are reading this by accident. I feel that the Lord has a message of hope for the world that He will get out through as many means as possible. This message is meant for you and perhaps a loved one or friend. God loves you, He can bring about the deep healing that is needed, scars aren’t always bad, and everything can be redeemed. That about sums it up for this morning.
Have a blessed day. And be a blessing to someone God puts in your path or on your heart today.
areliablefaith 